The Early Years: A Strong Sense of Self and True Connection
I remember my early years in rural Venezuela during the late 60s, I was such a hyper-creative, perceptive, and precocious little girl, with a never ending hunger for magic and discovering the world. I was also the youngest of five in a highly academic driven family. I taught myself to read way before my time and devoured every book I could find in our many bookcases throughout the house. Music, art and learning were my passions. I excelled at everything. I even started my first business in 4th grade - read my blog post about it here -
The authenticity in my natural state of being was so healing and freeing. I was deeply connected to my true self, to my unshakable sense of wonder, creativity, and confidence, and I LOVED IT. I was a pure reflection of the strong sense of self, self-belief, vibrancy and aliveness I was born with. I mean, look at that face!
The Disconnection: The Birth of Limiting Beliefs
But as I grew older, something started to shift in my surroundings. That once-magical inner world I loved to be in and openly expressed, began to feel childish, unaccepted and worthless. It also began to attract attention that made me feel very unsafe and vulnerable. It was terrifying to lose something so precious, so mine, but it was more terrifying to experience the pain it came with it. I began to believe there must be something really wrong with me.
Shame started to set it. In my desperation to fit in and avoid rejection, I tried to be “better than good,” numbing out what was really going on inside. In the brilliance of my coping skills then, I unconsciously made the greatest decision that would help me survive at that time: to disconnect from my true nature, and make sure nobody knew about what I believed to be my "inherent flaws".
But why?
Because that precious younger me had decided that being herself was dangerous, scary, and wrong. She saw her magical truth as a threat to her healthy connections to others. She knew she wouldn't survive unless she "stayed in the tribe". As the smart cookie she was, she learned to contort and conform with a way of being that will ensure her acceptance and safety. Even if it was out of alignment with who she truly was.
She not only achieved it. She became a master at it.
This is what's called "fawning", a lesser known "fight or flight, freeze, fawn" nervous system response, as a trauma and survival mechanism to avoid conflict and perceived harm by choosing people pleasing, appeasing, or excessively complying with others to stay safe.
These patterns became my autopilot response, and stayed deeply embedded in my subconscious, shaping my relationships, my decisions and my entire life. It became the fuel for a self-fulfilling prophecy.
The Impact: Living a Life of Inner Violence
Can you see the huge problem here? This is a very common starting point for most people's issues today. Thankfully, I was able to shift it in the most beautiful healing way, only 50ish years later. I'll get to that in a minute.
But back to the story.
I grew up with extreme inner conflict. I consciously knew I deserved a good life, that I wasn’t inherently bad and had gifts to offer, but my automated emotional response always overruled logic, no matter how hard I tried. I lived life through my inner girl's belief that feeling happy, excited and expecting good things was a threat. I just didn't know it. This impacted my life in so many ways: it would either paralyze me in the face of great opportunities, or completely block the wonderful flow in my life, costing me relationships, financial stability and career growth. All of it cycling to validate my unconscious unworthiness.
Up until early 2020, in spite of my circumstances — whether I had love, money, all my needs and desires met, or faced scary challenges as a single mom, sick and on the brink of homelessness — I was chronically unhappy, sabotaging anything good coming my way, silently stuck and filled with fear and self-loathing.
Despite therapy, counseling, personal growth, affirmations, and a strong spiritual core, in addition to countless life changes, I still struggled with the self-validating belief that I was fundamentally flawed, unworthy of love, and worst of all, I strongly felt that I was doomed for life, in an ocean of toxic positivity, without anyone understanding how I felt.
I was stuck in a re-traumatizing cycle of inner self-harm.
The Breakthrough: Trusting the Breakdown
"...Along with our ability to feel our own pain go our best hopes for healing, dignity and love. What seems non-adapative and self-harming in the present was, at some point in our lives, an adaptation to help us endure what we then had to go through..." Dr. Gabor Mate says in his book "In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts"
It was early 2021 when I encountered a series of breakdowns that would change the course of my life forever. Marisa Peer's words "understanding is the most healing freeing power" hit me right to the core, and I got it! I needed to understand the root of my inner conflict, and find the reasons why, if I knew better, I still felt trapped with difficult emotions. I decided to do a deep dive and was able to identify the origins of my struggles.
Discovering that there is great wisdom behind the violent ways of my inner dialogue, was one of the most healing and releasing moments in my life. The fight began to lose steam.
This opened up the flood gates of inner knowing, that gathered all my life-long self work and spiritual practices, and took it all into an accelerated level of acceptance, compassion, excitement about life and inner peace like I had never experienced before.
I began to feel fully alive again. As me.
As I leaned into the breakdown, I found my breakthrough. It was scary, but it was more terrifying to stay stuck and disconnected. I began identifying and unlearning old patterns with self-compassion, relearning to embrace my true nature again, and along came my precious little girl with her adorable voice, gifts, and unique light fully available again. My brilliant and adorable younger self is now fully integrated with my adult self now, and together we grow more into who I am becoming.
This path has taken self-love to an unconditional level of reverence and honor, and it has allowed me to reclaim my inner child's dignity with so much respect for the decisions she had to make at a time she didn't know any better, when she had no one to help her, to remind her that she was so good and worthy. Now, she has me!!
Embracing My True Self: A Life of Alignment and Deep Breaths
Today, I realize this is a life-long path of self-reclamation and intentional growth. I also understand that my care takers did the best they could with what they knew then, and there is deep peace and serenity in the way I hold my past now.
Discovering and integrating what I learn through life's inevitable cycles of "breakdown to breakthrough", I lean back - or perhaps, lean in? or both? - into the relief of a newfound relationship with all parts of me and with the world around me. In this place, there is room for everything! for not being ok, for not knowing, for messing up, for believing in magic, dreaming big and trying hard. And if I crash, I am beyond worthy of love, connection and a new wonderful start.
Just like everyone else.
If there is one thing I'd like you to consider from this is:
We are new every moment.
Life will always be life, with all its peaks and valleys, twists and turns. But when we have tools to keep our heart, mind and nervous system flowing together in yummy coherence, we have direct access to the most powerful and supportive built-in guidance, intuition, innovative solutions, out of the box perspectives, and an unlimited delightful supply of wisdom, trust, resilience, inner peace and unconditional self-love. This is what makes every moment in life an opportunity to be the most aligned new version of ourselves that we can ever be.
My story is not over yet. I know the best years are yet to come. Learning to love and cherish one's life, not because it’s perfect, but because it is an honor to be who we are, gives us the chance to create our own masterpiece over and over again.
My invitation: Don't Give Up On Yourself
Here I am, extending my hand to you dear friend. If my story resonates with you and you're ready to reclaim your life’s true meaning, know that you can redirect all that valuable energy from feeling stuck and overwhelmed, to paving the way for a smoother, more fulfilling journey. It’s work, but the life you’ll create from it is absolutely worth it.
You deserve to feel fully alive again, as you.
Let's take a deep, slow breath together now, back to this beautiful timeless present moment now.
Much love. Thank you so much for being here,
Claudia
About Claudia
Claudia is the Alchemist of Change. As an RTT® Rapid Transformational Therapist®, Cognitive Hypnotherapist, Mind-Body Nutrition Professional, and Certified Resilient Heart Trauma-Sensitive Practitioner through HeartMath™ Institute, Claudia empowers her clients to achieve lasting, remarkable transformations quickly and efficiently, with easy, flow and grace.
Beyond her professional credentials, Claudia is a best-selling author, artist, musician, animal lover, and food whisperer. With a deep reverence for our great planet Earth and all who inhabit her, she carries a profound sense of service and an unwavering commitment to the Highest and Greater Good.
Claudia’s passion lies in guiding sensitive, driven individuals through life’s challenges, helping them navigate difficult emotions and mental blocks with resilience, and providing radical solutions that align with their true heart and soul. Her mindful and uplifting approach empowers clients to step into their full potential and create heart-centered lives of joy, authentic purpose, and fulfillment.
**Take the First Step Toward Your Transformation**
Experience the magic of Claudia’s alchemical nature. Together, you’ll unlock your inner potential and embrace the extraordinary possibilities that await you. Let’s get you on the path to your desired reality. Shall we? Read about her offers and events here
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