I was flipping through this awesome new desk calendar that my dear friend gifted me, filled with encouraging messages for each day. When I got to this very well-intentioned prompt "Things to leave in 2024", the last few years of my life flashed before my eyes - I went from a heart opening hell yeah!, to a gut wrenching knot in my stomach, to a whole body awareness of collective toxic positivity, guilt and shame. I sat with it all for a few moments and decided to write. As much as I appreciate the intention, and the benefits it can provide for some, there is a much bigger call for holistic encouragement here.
It is so tempting to imagine a clean slate with a new year. We tell ourselves that this is THE YEAR, to achieve our heart’s desires, to finally break free from deeply ingrained patterns and habits sabotaging our dreams and goals. Yet, as the days go by, why do most of us find ourselves slowly falling back into the guilt and shame of procrastination, putting ourselves last, or the relentless need to numb with substances or control everything on the outside, to ease the devastation we silently feel inside?
“Here I go again” “It doesn't matter how much I try, I will always fail” “I'm different, I don’t have it in me” “My dreams don’t matter” "I come from a family of (insert your inherited downfalls here)"
So vulnerable. We keep it all in. I get it. But if you are like me, a visionary mama of a gifted child who deserves the world, who’s declared “this stops with us”, you know that if we’re here to live life differently and heal at the depth we are called to heal, we can’t minimize it and romanticize our journey of letting go any longer, or push ourselves beyond the deeply painful lies wrecking our truth, or pretend that being inspired by insightful words will do the trick.
Even though the latter is powerful and necessary in our awakening, here’s what I have found: We can’t leave behind what has unconsciously kept us, and the ones that came before us, safe—even if, logically, today we know it’s not.
Self-Sabotage as a safety mechanism.-
For women visionaries of a New World, raising highly sensitive children, the stakes feel even higher. If this resonates, you might notice yourself going back and forth replaying cycles you vowed to break: over-functioning to prove your truth and your worth, striving for perfection so no one has a reason to judge and reject you, although silently you wish you didn't care, or putting everyone else’s needs ahead of your own to evade conflict, although you know what it needs is to be resolved.
It has been found that these behaviors stem from a deeper part of us that’s trying to protect us, and keep us away from pain—and, by extension, our children. At some point in our life, these patterns were our lifeline. They were the best coping skills our younger selves could develop, at that time.
Maybe avoidance kept you from being overwhelmed by impossible expectations, like the procrastinator who delays accomplishing tasks to escape the fear of failure. Maybe people-pleasing helped you navigate the unpredictability of a volatile home. Or maybe hyper-achieving gave you a sense of control in a world that felt chaotic and unkind. These patterns whisper, If you let go, you’ll hurt. You’ll be vulnerable. You’ll fail. It will be all your fault. You’ll leave your children vulnerable to the same pain.
But here’s a liberating twist, that can change everything: These protective strategies are stuck in a perception of the past. This can be your past, or the inherited one from your ancestors, anchored in your nervous system. These parts don’t realize that the landscape of your life has changed. What once kept you safe is now doing the opposite, perpetuating cycles you deeply and wholeheartedly wish - and deserve - to heal.
What these parts need to heal, is a safe space to understand that you are no longer in the past.
Why Healing Matters for You—and Your Legacy.-
You can’t willpower your way past these deeply ingrained patterns. You could try, but it’s like trying to outrun your own shadow—no matter how fast you go, it’s still there. And who can blame us for trying? We can do something different. Recognizing the immense survival benefit these patterns had in our younger lives, or in the lives of our parents, grandparents, etc, can bring great understanding, opening up the portal for true, authentic letting go.
What you need isn’t more discipline or self-control; it’s healing. Healing that gently reassures the part of you clinging to the old ways that you are safe now. Healing that transforms your inner world so you can be free, and let your children be free to grow and evolve without carrying the same invisible weight in their bodies, on their nervous system, on their self worth, and their lovability. Healing that sets your legacy free.
Imagine the perfectionist in you quieting down, so you can easily be ok with mistakes, and with “good enough” when good enough is good enough. Picture yourself showing your tender-hearted children that imperfection is a wonderful part of growth and innovation. Envision the controller in you softening, trusting, and letting go—allowing your children to see that safety doesn’t require constant vigilance. Visualize the pleaser within stepping down, and the Wise self in you stepping into self-worth, modeling healthy boundaries and self-respect. Imagine co-creating this level of self-reclamation with your children.
What kind of life is truly possible from this place?
The Profound Transformation of RTT®, HeartMath™, and Positive Intelligence together.-
Marisa Peer eloquently says that, “In the battle between logic and emotion, emotion will always win”. These emotions construct the underlying current of codes and imprints, like knee-jerk reactions, impacting your thoughts, behaviors, actions, assumptions and choices, unconsciously influencing your reality - even if you know better. This is where modalities like Rapid Transformational Therapy® (RTT®), HeartMath™, and Positive Intelligence become transformative tools.
RTT® allows us to uncover the root of these protective but outdated patterns, working with the subconscious to quickly identify, interrupt and release old emotional wounds and rewire limiting beliefs.
HeartMath™ techniques help to build heart coherence, bringing the nervous system into self-regulation, helping you access calm and safety in your body while supporting the mental fitness work through RTT®—a crucial step in convincing your inner protector that the best thing to do to keep you safe, is to let go.
And Positive Intelligence strengthens your mental resilience, helping you reframe those sabotaging voices into supportive allies through very practical, easy and relevant daily action.
These approaches together create a trauma-sensitive and deeply fertile space within, where true transformation can happen and grow as you do. This isn't about being inspired during the session, but then forgetting all about it when you're in the middle of inevitable challenges. And for sure this is not about fighting the parts of you that sabotage; it’s about inviting them into the light of your inner wisdom, understanding their purpose, and lovingly guiding them to release their outdated hold—so you can break the cycle for good.
An Invitation to Heal Yourself and Your Legacy
As you reflect on the patterns that your ready to release but can't fully, I invite you to pause and ask:
What am I holding onto that feels impossible to let go of?
What part of me feels, deep down, that this behavior or pattern relieves tension inside of me, even though I logically know it's in my detriment?
If this resonates, I would love to support you. Together, we can uncover the root of what’s holding you back, so you can begin to unlearn the old, re-learn and anchor aligned ways of being, and create a path forward that feels freeing, empowering, and supportive of the legacy you want to leave for your children.
I invite you to book a Complimentary Saboteur Discovery Call to learn more. You will have access to a revealing Saboteur Assessment, and together, during this call, we’ll delve into the ways common saboteurs—like the controller, the hyper-achiever, the avoider or the pleaser, amongst others—might be shaping your life. We’ll explore what’s possible when you combine RTT®, HeartMath™, and Positive Intelligence to heal, transform, and redefine your legacy. No pressure, just a heartfelt conversation that in itself will provide a ton of value, about what’s next for you and the impact your healing has in your lineage.
Here’s to a year of true healing, growing, and breaking free—for ourselves and our future generations.
Claudia
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